In the early 2000s growing up in the era of so many powerful women, we had many motivating woman anthems. We had Destiny’s Child- “Independent Women,” Christina Aguilera- “Can’t hold us down,” and Alicia Keys- “Superwoman.” If your anything like me you’d sing along word for word. Although everything didn’t make sense at that time, these were some powerful lyrics of being independent and confident.

What those lyrics omitted was how exhausting it is to be this independent woman. It takes a lot of work to be a superwoman. We want to have it all: career, education, money, house, car and the brand new shoes we saw on sale. On top of it all we want to be loved, endure a healthy relationship and good health. Often we have to stop and think ‘how the hell I’m going to get all this stuff done by 2 pm?’

Being independent is just how I was raised. My dad worked many hours and was always on call so, I maintain a lot of things on my own. Heck, I thought I was independent when I learned I could cook bacon in the microwave. I was doing field day all my life and did not even know it. My dad taught me what to look for when it comes to buying a house and cars. I learned how to balance a checkbook. My dad never just gave me money, just trying to get five dollars out of him meant had to do some yard work, feed the dogs and iron some clothes. Back then it did not make sense, but now it does. If it wasn’t anything that I did learn as a child was nothing is handed to you.

Of all the people in my life, my grandmother is the ‘independent’ woman. This lady independently raised 7 kids in the projects of Buffalo, NY. And she still managed to graduate from Bryant & Stratton College. For years she worked in the social work field and continued to work even in her early 70s. My grandmother even found love for the second time. For a lady that has never had a driver’s license, she has traveled more than most people who do. She could probably cook blindfolded if she could because you will be wasting your time asking for ingredients to her pound cake. Best believe she will snap on you in a heartbeat and say ‘Amen,’ so don’t let the church dress fool you.

As you can see my independence is just part of my nature.

I hear quite often men don’t want a ‘too independent’ woman.

So, this independent woman syndrome must be real.

Many times I’ve been asked, ‘why are you single?’

Uh… I guess because my credentials scream ‘too independent.’

I can understand that a woman’s independence can affect a man’s masculinity and ego. A man wants to feel like the head of the household and claim the title of a ‘king.’ What I don’t understand is, why does a woman have to dependent on men for them to have their ego stroked.

How can an independent woman be intimidating?

Are we supposed to advertise ourselves less than our worth, so men find us more attractive?

It’s a few times I find myself holding off details about myself so, a guy won’t feel intimidated by me. I am downplaying myself sometimes like,

“So, today let’s omit that you were in the Marine Corps and you own a pit bull.”
“Hmm, do I have bachelors or just an associates today?”

You know what? It’s just freaking stupid of me to downplay myself to match someone else’s playing field.

It’s too many beautiful INDEPENDENT women that are single because they are ‘too much.’ Like I said before it’s exhausting to be independent. You think working every day and going to school to have the essentials you are supposed to have in life is easy? Please believe the only special delivery we regularly get is our bills. We sought out as, ‘doing too much.’ No matter what success life brings us, we still desire love. We try to love ourselves 24/7, and we brush our dirt off our shoulders. Independent women can’t wait to depend on someone to be successful. An independent woman can bring more to the table than sex. She brings motivation, support, and love because she wants nothing more but, greatness from both of you.

If you find a woman’s independence as intimidation and not a great value then she probably not for you.